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Photo by Gina Loes
| LYRICS (by Sam MacKinnon) Well how come We never talk anymore? There’s a hole in your head At the back with a door Am I an illusion Or anything more Than a shout in the dark That you fight to ignore, oh I know I don’t want to lose my soul It left me alone In the night, I was hollow Oh I don’t want to lose my soul I followed it down to the the docks Where the crows go So wake me from A rolling dream And take me down Where the wind is screaming All for the pull of the tide I’m so filled with time But I never feel full, and I know Well I don’t feel Like I’m ready today So I folded my heart And I put it away I’m losing myself And I’m losing my mind I’m a rock,I’m a shell I’m a song over time, and I know I don’t want to lose my soul It left me alone In the night, I was hollow Oh I don’t want to lose my soul I followed it down to the the docks Where the crows go | Lose my Soul, in a general sense, is a song about feeling disconnected. Moving to a new city comes with a mixed-bag of emotions. It can be exciting and stimulating, but it can also be lonely. When I first came to Vancouver, it was easy; I was already familiar with the city, and I had plenty of contacts, both friends and family, so it felt very natural, at least at first. I made it my personal duty to explore Vancouver, tried to see a different part of it every day, jogged around the seawall, looked for obscure restaurants, and generally just wandered around aimlessly. I didn’t have a plan (clearly). I was fresh out of music school, where I was a drum and composition major, but I never truly entertained the idea of playing music as a career. Drumming certainly wasn’t the first thing on my mind. I wanted to be an animator. Or a composer. But for a year or so, I didn’t do much of either of those things. I just worked – enough to get by, but not enough to save anything, and I became increasingly depressed. I volunteered for various things, but it always felt somewhat empty. I just felt tired, constantly. I stopped exploring the city. I needed do something. I applied for animation school, got in, and then dropped out the first day, realizing that I didn’t want a job that required me to sit at a computer all day. I decided to try something completely different, so I began taking first-year science courses, and discovered that I loved ecology. I also started playing music again, and quite fortuitously, ended up in The Ruffled Feathers. |
The video for Lose My Soul is not really a video, in that it wasn’t filmed; it’s an animation – specifically a series of photographs (around 1500) that I took while walking around the city. I probably looked insane doing it – taking a picture, walking a foot forward, taking another picture, walking another foot, etc, etc. I ran them together at 8 frames a second. The result is a little jarring… it looks like a shaky camera. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not
The process of taking the photos was quite nostalgic. It reminded me of moving to Vancouver for the first time, back when I was compelled to explore its crevices. It felt good to do it again. It connected me to the geography of where I live, and it reminded me of the fact that newness, and novelty, and exploration, are all things that stimulate me, that connect me to life, that feed the empty spaces.
- Sam
The process of taking the photos was quite nostalgic. It reminded me of moving to Vancouver for the first time, back when I was compelled to explore its crevices. It felt good to do it again. It connected me to the geography of where I live, and it reminded me of the fact that newness, and novelty, and exploration, are all things that stimulate me, that connect me to life, that feed the empty spaces.
- Sam
