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oracles  10:  lose  my  soul

3/20/2012

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Picture
Photo by Gina Loes
LYRICS
(by Sam MacKinnon)

Well how come 

We never talk anymore? 
There’s a hole in your head 
At the back with a door 
Am I an illusion 
Or anything more 
Than a shout in the dark 
That you fight to ignore, oh I know 

I don’t want to 

lose my soul 
It left me alone 
In the night, I was hollow 
Oh I don’t want to lose my soul 
I followed it down 
to the the docks 
Where the crows go 

So wake me from 
A rolling dream 
And take me down 
Where the wind is screaming 
All for the pull of the tide 
I’m so filled with time 
But I never feel full, and I know 

Well I don’t feel 
Like I’m ready today 
So I folded my heart 
And I put it away 
I’m losing myself 
And I’m losing my mind 
I’m a rock,I’m a shell 
I’m a song over time, a
nd I know


I don’t want to 
lose my soul 
It left me alone 
In the night, I was hollow 
Oh I don’t want to lose my soul 
I followed it down 
to the the docks 
Where the crows go 

Lose my Soul, in a general sense, is a song about feeling disconnected.

Moving to a new city comes with a mixed-bag of emotions.  It can be exciting and stimulating, but it can also be lonely.  When I first came to Vancouver, it was easy; I was already familiar with the city, and I had plenty of contacts, both friends and family, so it felt very natural, at least at first.

I made it my personal duty to explore Vancouver, tried to see a different part of it every day, jogged around the seawall, looked for obscure restaurants, and generally just wandered around aimlessly.  I didn’t have a plan (clearly).  I was fresh out of music school, where I was a drum and composition major, but I never truly entertained the idea of playing music as a career.

Drumming certainly wasn’t the first thing on my mind.  I wanted to be an animator.  Or a composer.  But for a year or so, I didn’t  do much of either of those things.  I just worked – enough to get by, but not enough to save anything, and I became increasingly depressed.  I volunteered for various things, but it always felt somewhat empty.  I just felt tired, constantly.  I stopped exploring the city.

I needed do something.  I applied for animation school, got in, and then dropped out the first day, realizing that I didn’t want a job that required me to sit at a computer all day.  I decided to try something completely different, so I began taking first-year science courses, and discovered that I loved ecology.  I also started playing music again, and quite fortuitously, ended up in The Ruffled Feathers.


The video for Lose My Soul is not really a video, in that it wasn’t filmed; it’s an animation – specifically a series of photographs (around 1500) that I took while walking around the city.  I probably looked insane doing it – taking a picture, walking a foot forward, taking another picture, walking another foot, etc, etc.  I ran them together at 8 frames a second.  The result is a little jarring… it looks like a shaky camera.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not 

The process of taking the photos was quite nostalgic.  It reminded me of moving to Vancouver for the first time, back when I was compelled to explore its crevices.  It felt good to do it again.  It connected me to the geography of where I live, and it reminded me of the fact that newness, and novelty, and exploration, are all things that stimulate me, that connect me to life, that feed the empty spaces.

- Sam
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